© 2011 devlyn They're all Keiths

The Ceremony…

Our wonderful friend, HRH The Queen Alisha of Boise, Idaho, wrote our ceremony, while Peter and I partially wrote our vows (with HRH). Since so many people have asked to read our ceremony, here it is in full, though do note that we flubbed and fibbed a couple of lines during the reciting.

“The Day the Saucers Came,” by Neil Gaiman

That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and
stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn’t notice it because
That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because
On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-men’s nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold,
and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because
On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods
day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true
brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across
the land, and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because
That day, the saucer day, the zombie day,
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the
day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling
us we would obey, the day
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of
the Time Machine day,
You didn’t notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not even reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.

Dearly loved friends and relations, I have the honor of welcoming you all to this ceremony, in which Peter and Devlyn will officially change their relationship statuses to “Married.” At a Timbers match two years ago, when Devlyn and Peter’s assorted relationships were “complicated”, Devlyn commandeered a beer from Peter in Row N, a fateful row where Cupid himself must be a season ticket holder. Who among your 114 mutual friends could possibly have guessed that that usurped beer would turn into an untapped keg of home brewed happiness.

Please join hands

*A Timbers Army scarf is wrapped around Peter’s and Devlyn’s hands*

Peter, look at Devlyn’s hands. These are the hands of your best friend; smooth, young and carefree; holding yours on your wedding day as she promises her love and commitment to you all the days of her life.
These are the hands that will massage the tension from your neck and back in the evenings when you’ve had a long hard day. These are that hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. These are the hands that will support and encourage you to chase your dreams, the hands that will rock your children. These are the hands that when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

Peter, Devlyn is a self professed Know It All and Kitchen Hog. Knowing this, are you now prepared to spend the rest of your days being relegated to kitchen clean up and a lifetime of “well, actually’s”, Rose City ‘Til You Die?

Peter: Rose City ‘Til I Die

*Peter place ring on Devlyn’s finger”*

Devlyn, look at Peters hands. These are the hands of your best friend; young and strong and vibrant with love, holding yours on your wedding day as he promises to love you all the days of his life. These are the hands that will work along side yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams. These are the same hands that will love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

Devlyn, Peter has confessed that he is never going to make a bed. Why bother, says he, When you’re just going to get back in. Nor is he likely to ever dust any surface at any time, ever. Devlyn, Knowing this, are you now prepared to spend the rest of your days with dusty knick Knacks and without matching pillow shams, Rose City ‘Til You Die?

Devlyn: Rose City ‘Til I Die

*devlyn place ring on peter’s finger*

Today is mostly an ordinary day….the sun rose, babies were born, people slept in, the Timbers will play and you just so happen to be getting married.
But the not-so ordinary part is how you are making promises to each other for the rest of your days

Peter:

I promise to point out every time that you are a “Know-it-all”, and especially point out when you are “doing it wrong”.
I promise to use air quotes every time you use air quotes.
I promise to forgive you for not understanding that I am a bit cranky in the mornings.

I vow to encourage us to try new and strange things
I vow to get you to smile as much as possible, doing anything I can

I vow to be the best parts of me that fit perfectly with the best parts of you
Although I will be imperfect, I pledge to be sensitive and respectful of your unique talents, abilities and quirks
I pledge to lend you strength to help accomplish all of your dreams
I believe in you and I love you

Devlyn:

I promise to complain when you leave fingerprints on my monitor
I promise to make sure you know when I’m going to be sick from your driving
I promise to forgive you when you forget to put watermelon in the lasagna
I promise to save your spot when you’re running late
I vow to encourage us to try new and strange things
I vow to get you to smile as much as possible, doing anything I can
I vow to never use a recipe when fixing dinner
I vow to help you improve your knife skills, as I improve mine

I vow to be the best parts of me that fit perfectly with the best parts of you
Although I will be imperfect, I pledge to be sensitive and respectful of your unique talents, abilities and quirks
I pledge to lend you strength to help accomplish all of your dreams
I believe in you and I love you

Devlyn and Peter you have exchanged rings and vows today in front of friends and family, and so by the power vested in me by the Internet I now pronounce you husband and wife. Peter, you may kiss your bride the way Wesley Crusher embraced Robin Lefler, as played by Ashley Judd, in Season 5 episode 6 of Star Trek TNG, keeping it suitable for prime time as there are children in attendance today.

*smooch*

Ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to introduce to you for the first time Mr and Mrs Peter and Devlyn Keith

One Comment

  1. Erika
    Posted December 27, 2011 at 21:05 | #

    THESE ARE THE BEST VOWS I HAVE EVER READ. EVER. I read them to my boyfriend and it actually made him look up from his computer playing Skyrim.